In praise of Giga Chad
Who is Giga Chad? Is Giga Chad even real? What can the rise of the Giga Chad meme teach us about male sexual attractiveness, thirst traps, and the bleaker recesses of the incel mindset?
Hey, did you know that with just a little digging you can find actual photos of sexy people on the internet? I know, right! Google it. There’s dozens – possibly even hundreds – of sexy photos online. What a glorious time to be alive!
When those pioneering dweebs at Cern or whatever invented the World Wide Web, did they even contemplate the possibility their creation might one day be used to distribute images of saucy babes and hot-bodded hunks?
One such hunk appears to have captured the internet’s imagination more than most of late. Ladies and gents, I give you Giga Chad.
WHO IS GIGA CHAD?
Giga Chad is a paragon of masculine hotness. A rippling demigod, towering six-foot-seven tall with impeccable teeth, robust jaw and a piecing hunter stare.
Behold his brawny shoulders, his symmetrical brow, his thick-yet-conscientiously-groomed facial hair.
This is pure speculation, but I think it’s reasonable to assume he’s also good with animals, a dab hand in the kitchen, and will cheerfully bleed your radiators without you needing to ask a bunch of times.
IS GIGA CHAD REAL?
Yeah, kinda? There’s an artist, you see, called Krista Sudmalis. She created a photo project called Sleek’N’Tears a couple of years back, basically presenting a load of painfully sexy black-and-white photos of models.
The images are great. Hauntingly great. So great, many have accused them of being digitally manipulated. Which is kind of hilarious, because basically every image these days is digitally manipulated, especially model shots.
So the question is, is Giga Chad a complete fabrication, or is there at least some basis in a real-life human person?
There is a real dude! His name is Ernest Khalimov, he was born in 1969 (making him 53 years old, or so), and he doesn’t go on the internet much.
Some horny sleuths have suggested he has a Turkish background, others posit that he’s from Azerbaijan. He appears to live and work in Russia, although Reddit seems to think Ernest isn’t a Russian name and his really name is probably something like Grisha, or maybe Grigori.
Here’s a picture of him, apparently, standing next to his two brothers. There’s no videos of him online, but then not everybody spends as much time online as you.
GIGA CHAD VS INCELS
The really interesting thing about Giga Chad isn’t just that women lust after him – of course they do. He’s hot as fuck. It’s that incels – you know, involuntary celibates – are equally obsessed.
In their bleak worldview, sexual attractiveness is a straight-up marketplace. Thus the natural blessings bestowed on Giga Chad in terms of his hairline, his brow, and his height make him an unbeatable romantic foe.
Giga Chad is, in the incels’ poisoned imagination at least, the apex predator of sex. The final boss of Chad-dom.
Leaving aside the quasi-phrenological nature of their complaint, is there any merit in what the incels are saying?
It’s fairly well established that women prefer tall men. And they like broad shoulders, and men who are a little bit older (check out Giga Stacey, from the same artist – she isn’t in her 50s, is she?)
So no, sorry dude, you’ll never compete with Giga Chad. But then, neither will your average Chad.
Giga Chad therefore exists as a useful platonic ideal. He will always, always, always steal your girl. And even if he doesn’t, your girl will be sneakily daydreaming about the possibility.
With that in mind, stop worrying. As Theodore Roosevelt – who was himself something of a Chad, by the standards of his time – observed ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’
And anyway, Giga Chad is obviously juicing so many fucking steroids his poor heart’ll give out any day now.
